Deadly sin #4: Sloth
I’ve already done my riff on cookie dough, so I’ll spare you another soliloquy about its raw and unadulterated beauty. In fact, I thought it would be apropos –and in the name of sloth– to just let this recipe stand alone (in case you were wondering: yes, it really is that good). However, I am a writer by training and opinionated by nature, so making a cutesy statement about laziness by being lazy just seems passively self-indulgent.
Speaking of self-indulgent, I think I’ve finally found the worst (read: BEST) reality television show ever conceived of by any pseudo-creative individual looking to profit from the agony and humiliation of others. Do any of you remember the MTV classic, Jackass? Well, it’s not that. But it is hosted by one of Jackass’s ballsy talents, one Sir Steve-o. I present to you truTV’s disasterpiece, Killer Karaoke:
Eat your heart out, American Idol.
Killer Karaoke centers around contestants singing songs of their choosing while navigating less than pleasant circumstances. Like a twisted game of sadism and masochism in which the only pleasure derived is that of the viewer, Killer Karaoke brilliantly exploits the stupidity of mankind, which is precisely why it’s so great.
There are no sob stories about overcoming adversity, there are no dream chasers, and there is clearly zero talent. There are no strangers looking to “get real,” nor are there any lonely bachelors looking for their Cinderellas. There’s no weight loss, no deserted island, and no Tyra Banks. Just the supposed superior species lookin’ for a little limelight.
The only way Killer Karaoke fails is by not remaining true to its name: there is no risk of death. Misnomer much?
I guess we will all be left to hope that Darwin’s theory of natural selection can work its magic once the cameras stop rolling.
In the meantime, couch potato up and gnaw on some of these.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sandwich Cookies
For the cookies:
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup (one stick) salted butter, softened
1 (4 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon almond extract
2 eggs, beaten
2 cups mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
For the cookie dough icing:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips
1. Preheat oven 350 degrees F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper
2. Sift together flour and baking soda in a medium mixing bowl
3. In an electric mixer, beat together brown sugar, sugar, butter, pudding mix, vanilla and almond extracts, and vegetable oil until thorough mixed
4. Add eggs to mixer and blend
5. Slowly beat in the flour mixture
6. Stir in chocolate chips by hand
7. Roll dough into one-inch balls and place about two inches apart on baking sheet
8. Bake for 9-11 minutes
9. While cookies are baking, prepare the cookie dough icing by beating together butter and brown sugar in a large mixing bowl with hand-held beater until light and fluffy
10. Slowly incorporate flour, powdered sugar, and salt on low speed
11. Add vanilla extract and heavy cream and continue beating until well-mixed
12. Stir in mini chocolate chips by hand
13. Allow cookies to cool on a wire rack
14. To assemble sandwiches, turn 1/2 of the cookies upside down, heap a large spoonful of icing onto cookies, and then top with remaining 1/2 of the cookies, pressing together lightly until icing spreads to the edges of the cookies