You know you’ve met an incredible person when you divulge to them on your first date that you love the smell of horse poop because it reminds you of home– and they still ask you out on a second date.
I say this as an example of the myriad funny, absurd, ridiculous things a person might say on a first date. On first dates, most of us have no expectations. We are simply ourselves, and we behave in a manner that is truest to our nature. You will know pretty instantly if you’re comfortable with the person with whom you’re sharing this experience. Once you get past that checkpoint, it’s all systems GO for just being yourself– or not, if they’re just too completely weird for you to even attempt to jibe with.
If that first date leads to a fourth, a seventh, or a full-fledged relationship, remember to be that same fearless person you were back when you first met each other. Chances are, that’s who they fell for in the first place– YOU.
To honor all that is genuine and goofy and at times charmingly-awkward about first dates, I present to you Unicorn Poop Cookies.
Unicorns are the magical, horny brethren of the horse. Get your head out of the gutter– they HAVE horns. They are real only if you believe in them. And they are sparkly and so fluffy I want to die. (If you don’t get the reference, do yourself a favor and rent Despicable Me, because it’s just so darn adorable. Or watch this).
But as one great book informs us, everybody poops. Even unicorns. It may be rainbow-colored and flecked with glitter and stars, but at the end of the day, it’s still poop.
Nothing breaks the ice like talking about poop on a first date, let alone informing your date that you appreciate the smell of it because of the memories it carries with it. I’m not advising you to bring it up, of course, but I am here to let you know that you can’t be afraid to be uniquely you. If you say something honest that scares someone off, just know that they weren’t right for you anyway.
For every woman in this world, there is a man who loves her in spite of the fact she likes the smell of horse poop.
Unicorn Poop Cookies
(Makes 10-12 cookies)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3 Tablespoons confectioner’s sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups all-purpose flour
Neon food dye
Glaze on top (optional, but I think it helps make these a bit sweeter!):
1 cup confectioner’s sugar
2 tablespoons water
2. Whisk the egg and vanilla in a small bowl until beaten and set aside1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees
2. Cream butter with mixer until light and fluffy. Be sure to scrape down the sides with a rubber spatula to get alllll the butter into the mix!
3. Add both sugars, and continue beating until light, 2 to 3 minutes
4. Then add the egg mixture, beating for about 1 minute
5. Reduce the mixer to a low speed and add the flour and salt, mixing just until blended
6. Separate evenly into four separate mixing bowls
7. Add 5-6 drops of food dye to each bowl of dough and stir with a spoon
8. Take small sections of each color of dough and roll until you have a thin “snake” about 5 inches long
9. Line all 4 “snakes” up and roll into a larger snake, and swirl into a pinwheel
10. Gently press sprinkles into dough and place pinwheels on baking sheet
11. Bake for 13-15 minutes
12. Mix glaze ingredients together until smooth
13. Immediately transfer cookies to a cooling rack
14. Brush or spoon glaze onto warm cookies and top with sprinkles while glaze is still wet
15. Once cool, store in an air-tight container until ready to serve.